


Grow as we go

by Mangomelions



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Implied Sexual Content, Love Confessions, M/M, Moving Out, Mutual Pining, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-02-28 16:36:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18760255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mangomelions/pseuds/Mangomelions
Summary: After ten years of being best friends, Dan decides he can't take it anymore. He moves out, claiming he needs to find out who he is without Phil, and that he can't stay like this forever. Really he just got sick of waiting for Phil to realise they should be more than friends.  Very angsty but fluff to come. Based on Ben Platt's song Grow As We Go.





	1. If change is what you need

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably terrible, sorry. Leave a comment, let me know what you think!!

Dan tried to pretend, but Phil could always see right through him. The gap between them on the sofa felt wider than usual, and Phil didn’t like it. Dan was aware that Phil was watching him, but he kept his eyes to the floor.

“What’s up?” Phil asked him, and Dan’s eyes snapped up to meet his gaze.

“Nothing, I’m just thinking.”

“About?” A small, kind smile, lighted Phil’s face.

“How I’m ever going to live without you.” Phil’s smile disappeared, and Dan went back to staring at the floor.

“What are you on about?” Phil frowned at his best friend, his heart pounding.

“It’s been ten years, our deal is up. That was the last PINOF. It’s time for the next chapter. No more Dan and Phil. We have to grow, Phil, and that means….” Dan’s words were slow, hesitating. He couldn’t meet Phil’s eyes.

“You’re leaving me.” Phil finished. “I’m sorry.”

Dan got to his feet and walked towards the living room door. Phil stood up and watched him go, in shock. As Dan reached for the handle, he paused, turned back, and looked Phil directly in the eye.

“Thank you, Philly. And, you didn’t do anything wrong. We just need… time. I need to figure out who I am when I’m not by your side. I mean, we’re not kids anymore. This was never going to last forever.”

And with that, he left the room. He was gone. As soon as the door closed behind him, Phil sunk into the sofa crease, letting the loss surround him. He didn’t know what to do, so he did nothing. He woke up the next morning with a blanket over him and a note on the table.

“This was the most fun I’ve ever had.”

Dan’s stuff was gone. How long had Phil been asleep? Dan had left behind most of their shared possessions, which was most of the things in the flat. Ten years, their lives had been intertwined. And now, they weren’t. Dan hadn’t bothered to untangle the strings. He just ripped and tore apart everything that was familiar, everything that was home. And now Phil was alone.

Phil reached for his phone and texted Dan.

“I would have helped you. Where are you staying now? Are you ok?”

He got a reply within minutes.

“I’m staying with a friend. Until I get my own place.”

“Why?”

“I needed a clean break.”

“Why?”

“Because if I stayed any longer, I wouldn’t have been able to leave.”

“And that’s a bad thing? I thought we were happy.”

“I don’t see a future in it anymore. Not like this.”

“Then like what? Dan, you’re not making sense.”

“It doesn’t matter, it only exists in my head. I’m sorry Phil, but it’s best for both of us. It’ll be good for you.”

“You are good for me”

“I have to go. I’ll be ok. Don’t contact me again. It’s too hard.”

Phil wasn’t gonna let him go that easy.

“I thought we were for life. If its hard to be away from me, then why do this?”

“It’s even harder to be around you, knowing that we are going to be stuck like this. I can’t do this forever. Goodbye, Phil.”

Phil barely moved for two days. Dan didn’t contact him again, and he knew he wouldn’t. Still, Phil kept his phone charged, despite not looking at it for hours. And then it started ringing.

Jumping out of his skin, Phil reached for the device and brought it to his ear.

“Dan?” He spoke quickly, his voice hoarse.

“No… were you expecting him to call? Is he not there? Funny, I thought you were joined at the hip.” It was Martyn’s voice.

Phil stayed silent.

“Is he ok?”

Phil opened his mouth to reply but stopped when he realised, he couldn’t answer the question. Was Dan okay? Usually, Phil was the best person to ask, besides maybe Dan himself. But right now, Phil had no clue what Dan was feeling. What he could have possibly been feeling to make him leave like that.

Phil broke a little then, and Martyn heard his sniffles through the phone.

“Phil?” He asked. “Is everything okay? What happened?”

“Dan’s gone.” Phil waited for Martyn to speak, but he was silent for a beat. When he replied, his voice was quick, his words growing frantic.

“What? Phil I’m so sorry, what happened, was there an accident or someth-”

“He’s not dead, he’s just not here.” Phil interrupted. “He left. Didn’t say where he was going, didn’t really explain why. Just some shit about not needing time.”

“I’m coming over, I’ll be there soon.” Martyn hung up the phone.

Phil wandered into the kitchen and flicked the kettle on. Martyn would want coffee.

An hour later, they were sat on the sofa, staring at the floor.

“I just, I never thought… You guys always seemed like you’d last forever you know? For him to just break up with you like that, what was he thinking?”

It took Phil a minute to realise what his brother meant.

“We weren’t dating.” Phil said simply.

“Oh, but-”

“We never told you we were together, why would you think that?”

“One, You’re both bisexual, I mean, you said you were at one point, I don’t know if that still applies. Two, ten years. You guys do- did, everything together. He called you his soulmate on stage in front of thousands of people.” Martyn counted off points on his fingers. “You might not have said you were together, but you haven’t really denied it.”

“You sound like one of our crazy fans. I mean, they’re sweet but they don’t know anything. Wait, do mum and Dan think…? Seriously, you never said?” Martyn smiled apologetically.

“When it comes to me and Dan, yes, it was special. But it wasn’t what you think, I mean, he’s my best friend.”

“Is that a yes or no on the bisexual thing, cause I can set you up with one of my friends, if-” This time it wasn’t Phil’s voice that cut him off, just his icy glare.

Martyn grinned and Phil’s expression thawed. “Ok, well, yes, I think so, at least. But Dan, he’s just my friend. He was just my friend. Don’t know about now. He won’t talk to me.”

“Should I try?”

Phil shook his head. “Naaahh he won’t answer.”

“What did he say to you? When he left?”

“That we needed to find out who we are without each other. I think he’s tired of being Dan and Phil, and just wants to be Dan, for a bit. I can’t blame him. He put up with me for ten years, I’m surprised we made it this far.”

“Hey. He loves you.” Phil glared at him.

“As a friend,” Martyn amended. “For ten years, you were all he knew. Its like when you reach eighteen, and you move away from home, to uni. You Didn’t stop loving your family. You just needed to grow.”

“But we did grow. We’re not the same Dan and Phil we were ten years ago. I have a better hairstyle, Dan stopped caring enough paint his nails and rebrand. We grew up together, and it made everything so much less scary. I don’t know what to do now. I’ve become this confident person, I mean, we did 81 shows, with II! That’s crazy! I didn’t think I could do it, before the first show, I was so close to giving up. But Dan looked at me, and smiled, and I realised that none of it mattered. He was the one thing I never thought I would lose.”

“He’ll come back. It might not be like it was before, but he can’t ignore you forever. It’s not like you did something wrong.” Martyn shot a questioning glance at Phil.

“Not that I know of.” Phil mumbled.

“Then he’ll be back. He probably misses you as much as you miss him. He’ll phone you when he’s ready.”

“I hope so.” 

 


	2. Of course

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil goes to coffee with a friend and finds out some stuff. plus Text convo with Dan that has much angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya, here's some angst. Sorrrrrrrrrrry. Happy ending to come, i promise. i mean, probably more angst first. Please comment, i wanna know what people think!

Three days later and Phil still hadn’t heard from his best friend.  He was starting to get worried. After spending almost a week barely functioning, he decided he needed to do something, get out of the house. So, he called his friend Toby and asked him if he wanted to meet for coffee.

They met at Starbucks, later that day, and talked for about an hour about TV shows and games, and Toby’s crush on the barista. But after a while the conversation fizzled out, and Phil remembered what he had lost.

“You okay?” Toby asked, noticing Phil zone out.

“Umm, yeah, well, I dunno. Things have been a bit too quiet since Dan left.”

“Oh, so that’s why he-. You guys broke up.”

“We weren’t dating! Does everyone just assume..” Phil stared incredulously at his friend, who bit his lip to keep from laughing.

“Wait,” Phil  frowned “Why he what? What did Dan do?”

“Nothing.” Toby spoke too quickly, Phil saw right through him.

“Tooooooby!” Phil pleaded, him his best attempt at puppy dog eyes.

Toby hesitated for a moment. “He kissed me.”

Phil just stared at him for a minute.

“He came to my place,” Toby continued. “I opened the door and he kissed me and it would have gone further if I hadn’t pushed him away.”

“You pushed him away?”

“I think he was drunk. I told him to slow down, then asked about you. I thought he was cheating on you or something.” Phil glared at him. “At the sound of your name, he turned around and ran. It was really weird.”

Phil digested this information and sighed. “We were never a thing. He left last Saturday, just moved out, and poof. Gone. We didn’t fight, didn’t fall out. But he won’t talk to me.”

Toby sipped his coffee. “Well, now he won’t talk to me either. I tried calling him, I reckon he’s embarrassed. Do you know where he’s staying?”

“With a friend. That’s all he said.”

“I thought we were his friends.” Toby muttered into his drink.

“So did I. I thought… I thought we didn’t have an expiration date.”

Phil said goodbye to Toby before walking home. On the way back, a girl, about 13, stopped him, and asked him for a photo. He obliged, faking a smile and complimenting her rainbow shoelaces.

“Where’s Dan?” The girl asked and instantly Phil’s smile was gone. He couldn’t even fake it.

“We’re not joined at the hip, you know, we do leave the house separately.” His tone was kind, followed by a chuckle, but there was a sharpness in his words that stopped the girl from pressing. She thanked him for the photo and left to re-join her friend.

When Phil got home, he wandered into his room, and collapsed on his bed. After a while, he got his phone out, and opened messenger.

“I know about Toby. Want to talk?” He sent the message, then threw his phone across the room. He closed his eyes and debated moving to Australia and starting a new life as a fisherman.

When his phone beeped, he jumped out of his skin. Partly because he thought the phone had broken when he threw it, partly because he never thought he’d get a reply. He jumped off his bed, and sat on the floor, picking up the phone and reading quickly.

“Phil, I can’t. Not with you.” Phil felt what was left of his heart shatter.

“What did I do? How can I fix it?”

“Nothing. There’s nothing to fix. I just can’t do this anymore.”

“Can’t do what? Come home, Dan, I miss you.” Phil knew how desperate he sounded, he didn’t care.

“I miss you too.”

“Then come home.”

“I can’t.”

 Phil had never been mad at Dan before. Not properly. But he found his sadness turning to anger, at the person who had taken his best friend from him. Who, incidentally, was that same best friend.  

“This is stupid. Stop being so fucking cryptic. You were the one saying we aren’t kids anymore. Adults talk about their problems. They don’t throw away people who love them. Grow up.” He expected an equally argumentative reply. Instead he got three words.

“You love me?”

Phil took a moment to consider. He thought about Martyn, and Toby, implying there was something more than friendship between him and his flatmate. He thought about the millions online who assumed they were together, who paused and replayed their videos in search of something non-existent. Dan might not be his boyfriend, but that didn’t mean he didn’t love him. Dan had always been this constant, this unwavering shoulder to lean on, or cry, this ever-present smile to brighten his day. Dan was kind, funny, and amazing. How could Phil not love him?

“Of course I do. You’re my best friend. We’ve been through so much.” Was the reply he gave. He immediately got a reply.

“I’m sorry.”

“For leaving?”

“Because I can’t come home.” Dan replied. “It’s too hard.” At least he still thought of it as home, Phil thought. 

“What's hard? I don’t get it. And what happened with Toby? Do you like him? Cause you’d probably have a shot if you were sober.”

“I’m not into him I was just lonely and drunk.”

“Stay safe. Please, Dan.”

“I will. It was good talking to you, Phil, but nothing’s changed. I’ve got to figure stuff out and until I do, I can’t see you.” Phil frowned, wondering what Dan meant by any of that.

“Whatever.”

“Don’t be mad at me.” Phil let out a huffed, incredulous laugh at this.

“You took away something really precious to me. Of course I’m mad at you.”

“I’m sorry.”

Phil didn’t reply. He needed ice cream.


	3. Dan and many doorsteps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story of the last few chapters from Dan's point of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!! Thought i'd write some from Dan's perspective, the rest will probably be like this. This story kinda diverged from the song it was meant to be set on, but that's where the story went and i guess that's not the worst thing.

Dan couldn’t remember when he first realised that he was in love with Phil. It just sort of happened, and like everything else, he procrastinated it. Everything was good, why bother with anything that could mess it up? So he waited, he buried his feelings and enjoyed his time as Phil’s best friend. It wasn’t what he wanted, but it was enough.

But one day that changed. Dan saw a video edit someone had made, of Phan through the ages. The end of an era, it said, and he supposed it was right. Underneath it, was a comment, talking about how weird it would be when Dan and Phil had wives and kids. Reading it made Dan breathe out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He couldn’t do this anymore. The comment was right. One day, Phil would have a wife, a family, a new life. They couldn’t stay like this forever. Dan shook his head and laughed dryly, thinking about how pathetic and naive he’d been all this time. Of course this couldn’t last forever.

The next few weeks were spent trying to get rid of his feelings, but he soon realised he couldn’t do that while living with the object of his affections. It was getting too hard, playing the part of Phil’s best friend. So he did the hardest thing he ever had to do. Broke Phil’s heart. He didn’t think it would hurt Phil quite as much as it did. But, Dan supposed, after living with someone for 8 years, you kind of get used to having them around. He tried to make it easier, but he couldn’t bring himself to say a proper goodbye to Phil. Instead he left, in the middle of the night, leaving only a note that he hoped would soften the blow.

That was what led to him turning up on PJ’s doorstep, in Brighton, soaking wet from both tears and the rain. PJ had ushered him in, given him hot chocolate, and set him up a bed on the couch.

It was a while before PJ talked Dan into telling him what was wrong. After some board games with Sophie, they settled down on the sofa and Dan explained what had happened. Well, he tried his best.

“Phil, um, well we… it didn’t work out.” Dan didn’t know how to say it.

“You guys broke up?” PJ looked at Dan sadly, an expression that turned to surprise when Dan started laughing softly.

“We were never together. Why would you think that?” He mumbled.

“I don’t know. You guys just sort of fit. I mean, either way, did you guys fight? Did he kick you out?” PJ asked.

“No” Dan shook his head. “He would never do that. We didn’t fight, I just had to leave.”

“Why? You guys always seemed happy.”

Dan considered telling PJ the same story that he told Phil, needing to grow, or whatever, but it didn’t sound true even to his ears. He wondered what Phil must think of him, now.

“I fell for him, Peej.” Dan said quietly. “He was never going to feel the same. I couldn’t stick around and watch, as he finds a wife, starts a family. I don’t fit into that.”

“Phil’s dating someone else?” PJ sounded surprised.

In other circumstances, Dan would have found it funny that _that_ was the thing he was surprised at.

Now though, even the thought of this turned Dan’s stomach.

“No, at least, not that I know of.” He amended. “It’s just kind of inevitable.”

PJ didn’t question this.

“He loves you, ya know that, right?” PJ said, after a while.

“No he doesn’t. He would have said something.” Dan spoke quickly, without emotion.

“Well, did you ever say anything?” PJ raised his eyebrows. “Anyway, even if he doesn’t love you like that, he still loves you. You guys are family to each other. You do fit into that future of his. Even if you won’t be his husband, you will be his best man. You’ll probably be the Godfather to his kids. You’ll always have a place with him.”

“It’s too hard, PJ. I want it, I want to be what Phil needs, I want to pretend everything’s okay, but it isn’t. I can’t see him smile without wanting to kiss him. I see him cooking breakfast in the morning and imagine a life where I could sneak up behind him and wrap my arms around him. I see him fall asleep on the couch and wonder what it would be like to wake up next to him. I want that life, and what I’ve got now feels so close to it, but it’s so far away and it kills me.”

Dan stared at the floor and PJ reached out to put a hand on his shoulder.

“Okay, Dan. You can stay here as long as you’d like.” He spoke softly, getting to his feet and moving to leave the room. “Everything will be ok, Dan. I promise.”

Dan didn’t believe him, but he was glad to have a friend who he could talk to. He woke up the next morning with a text from Phil. Part of him wanted to ignore it, but that wasn’t fair to Phil. After ten years, he owed him the closest thing to an explanation he could manage.

A few days later and Dan couldn’t take it anymore.  PJ and Sophie had been particularly cute that day, and he had to get out of there. He missed Phil. He wanted to go home.  

A taxi, a train journey, and a tube ride later, and he was standing outside his house. It was evening, and freezing cold. He hadn’t thought to bring his coat. The longer he stood on the doorstep, the colder he got, and the more he thought this was a bad idea. What would he even say? “I’m sorry for leaving and I want to come back, and oh yeah, I’ve been pining over you for years?” Cause that would go down well. A million thoughts rushed through his head, a million scenarios in which Phil rejects him. He turned away and headed back to the tube station.

Somehow, he ended up in a bar, somewhere in London. He didn’t even know where. Scrolling through his twitter feed, he saw a post from his friend Toby, complaining about being single, asking where all the cute gay guys had gone. For some reason Dan’s very intoxicated brain decided this was an opportunity. He hailed a cab, and twenty minutes later, he was standing at Toby’s front door. This time he wasted no time before ringing the doorbell.

 After a minute, Toby appeared, looking dishevelled , and Dan took him by the shoulders, practically shoving his tongue down the shorter man’s throat.

Toby shoved him away, and Dan stumbled backwards.

“What the hell, Dan? What about Phil?” Toby yelled at him, uncharacteristically sharp.

Dan was trying to forget Phil. But this obviously wasn’t helping. He turned and left, without a word.

He made it to a hotel, where he stayed that night. In the morning he had the unpleasant task of calling a worried PJ, explaining where he had gone. He got the next train back to Brighton.

A few days later he got a text from Phil, who had apparently heard what happened to Toby.  Honestly, Dan was surprised it had taken this long to get back to him. They texted for a little while, but Dan still couldn’t say anything to Phil about why he really left. Phil seemed so broken, and Dan hated the thought of him upset, but telling him the truth wouldn’t change anything. It would just make Phil hate Dan even more than he already did.

He left, to go on a walk along the beach, leaving his phone on the kitchen counter. He really needed to clear his head.


	4. Runaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reunion i needed to write.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me what you want to happen! Comments make me so happy! PJ is the sweetest in this, he is Phan shipper number 3. (After Phan themselves, of course )

PJ didn’t mean to snoop. He had just been so worried about his friend, and Dan had left his phone on the table. PJ knew the passcode. Looking around to make sure no one was there, he quickly unlocked the phone and opened up Dan’s conversation with Phil.

He read through everything since last Saturday, and felt his heart break for his friends.

Closing the messenger app, he put Dan’s phone back where he found it, just as Dan appeared in the doorway.

“Hey, Dan!” He said a little too enthusiastically. “You alright?”

“Yeah, I’m good, how’s you? Where did Sophie get to?” Dan asked, picking up his phone, and checking the time.

“Shopping. You eat a lot of cereal.”

“Sorr-y.” Dan’s sarcastic tone was returning, and PJ smiled at the sound.

“You spoken to Phil lately?” PJ asked, attempting to be tactful.

“Not really, he found out about Toby, but I guess that was inevitable.” Dan got two mugs out of the cupboard and started making tea.

“What are you doing, Dan?”

“I thought you’d want a drink.”

“I mean with your life. With Phil.” Dan flinched, and turned to face him.

“We talked about this.”

“Dan, why don’t you just tell him how you feel?”

“He would laugh in my face.” Dan looked back at the mugs.

“No, he wouldn’t. Right now, you aren’t friends. There’s nothing left to ruin.” Dan flinched again and glared at PJ.

“I’m right, and you know it.” PJ insisted. “You are miserable, he is miserable. You can only go up from here. If he turns you down, at least you know. At least you will have some closure. Instead of this.” He gestured to Dan, who scowled.

“What would I even say?”

“Whatever is the truth. Be honest, say how you feel. If you really love him, you should trust him enough to let you down easy. _If_ he lets you down.”

Dan was silent for a moment, staring at the kettle. Was this a good idea? Dan only knew that something needed to happen, things couldn’t keep going like they were.

“When’s the next train?” Dan’s voice broke the silence. 

 

4 hours later Dan was stood on doorstep of the London house, for the second time that week. He shifted his weight between his feet while he readied himself for what he was about to do. He reached up to press the doorbell, just as the door swung open. A surprised looking Phil appeared, holding a bin bag in one hand and his phone in the other.  He dropped both when he saw Dan.

He opened his mouth and closed it again, and for a second he was completely caught off guard. Dan stared at him for a second, despite rehearsing this speech for an hour on the train, he couldn’t remember at all what he was supposed to say.

After a second, Phil stepped forward and crushed Dan in a tight, fierce hug.  Dan melted into it, relaxing into Phil’s arms, and breathing in the scent that felt like home. Phil pulled back, after a long while, and looked imploringly into the taller man’s eyes.

“Dan?” So many questions asked with a single word.

Dan forgot how to speak. He turned away and half-ran down the street, he had no idea where he was going but he knew he had to get out of here. He didn’t get very far before there was a tugging at his sleeve. He stopped, startled, and Phil pulled his arm so Dan turned to face him.  Dan stared at the floor.

“Look at me.” Dan looked up into Phil’s eyes, and something in him said “Screw it”

The next thing he knew he was holding on to the fabric of Phil’s shirt, and pulling him closer. Their lips met and Dan closed his eyes. They stayed closed long after he pulled away. When he opened them again, Phil was looking at him, like he had just sprouted a tail. It was just pure shock, and Dan didn’t know what to do.  So, he let go of Phil’s shirt, and, again, he turned to leave. But this time he didn’t even take two steps before two hands grabbed him roughly by the shoulders and spun him around.

“What the hell was that?” Phil’s voice knocked Dan out of the daze that had come over him ever since Phil opened the door.

“Um, I..” Dan looked apologetically at his feet, which shifted nervously. “I’m sorry.”

“Dan.” Phil said after a minute. He put a hand to Dan’s cheek and lifted it gently, so their eyes met.

Dan expected to see anger, or confusion, instead he saw a shy, genuine smile. Suddenly Phil’s lips were on his again and they moved together, the hand Phil had on his face moving to the nape of his neck, where it played with the wispy bit of hair there. Dan’s hands found their way to Phil’s waist, pulling the older man closer, so they were pressed together.

Phil broke the kiss, peppering kisses down his neck, and then just burying his face in the crook where Dan’s shoulder met his neck. Dan, still a little stunned, held tightly to the other man, scared if he didn’t that all of this would disappear.

“Why do you keep running away?” Phil mumbled into Dan’s shoulder.

“I didn’t think… I wanted….” Dan didn’t know what to say. “I was scared.” Phil disentangled himself from Dan just enough to look into his eyes.

“You don’t ever have to be scared with me.”

“I didn’t think you would like me back.” Dan didn’t like how pathetic he sounded, but Phil didn’t hear it like that.

“I don’t like you, Dan. I love you. In every way. I’ve missed you.” Somehow Phil always knew exactly what to say.

“I love you too. I want….I want….” Dan found himself lost for words again. “I want you.”

Phil raised an eyebrow, a small smile playing about his face.

“Stop, you perv!” Dan spluttered. “I don’t mean it like that! I mean, yes, but..”

Phil pressed a sneaky kiss to Dan’s lips, interrupting both his sentence and his train of thought.

“I want this to last. I want us to last. I’m all in, if you are.”

Phil simply kissed him, and that was all the answer Dan needed.

 

Soon after this they stumbled through their front door, giggling and kissing, and tripping over each other.

Phil closed the front door, then spun around and pinned Dan against the wall, holding him by the wrists, and pressing their bodies together.

This was new to both of them, but they were surprised by how it didn’t feel weird.

Phil’s tongue grazed Dan’s bottom lip, and Dan opened his mouth further to allow Phil to deepen the kiss.

After a minute, Dan pushed him back slightly, his voice serious as he spoke.

“Do you wanna..?”

Phil nodded, licking his lips slightly in an adorable way that made Dan laugh.

“Do you?” Phil smiled kindly. “We can wait if you want to, I don’t mind. 

“It’s been ten years, Phil, we’ve waited long enough.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. not a temporary love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and friendly banter with PJ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes some of the chapter names are Ben Platt songs/lyrics and some aren't. Its annoying me so i might change it.

 

Dan knew where he was before he even opened his eyes. He could feel Phil's arm's around him, the warmth of his chest under Dan's head. It was safe, and it was home. Dan opened his eyes, to find Phil was still sleeping, eyes closed and breathing softly. Dan smiled and nestled further into Phil. He fell back to sleep with an unbelievable euphoria, realising that this was all he had ever wanted. 

Hours later, Dan woke again, this time to find himself alone. He would have been worried had it not been for the smell of burnt toast and the soft music coming from the kitchen. 

Dan opened Phil's drawer and picked out a comfortable pair of pyjama bottoms, pulling them on going to find Phil. 

When he reached the kitchen door, he stopped for a minute, and just watched. Phil had his back to him, pouring out two mugs of coffee while moving along to the music. Like Dan, he was dressed only in pyjama bottoms. 

Dan didn't speak, instead he padded silently over Phil and wrapped his arms around his waist. Well, he tried to at least. instead he just scared the living daylights out of him, causing him to spill coffee on his bare foot. 

"OOOOOWWWWW" Phil squealed, turning to see Dan and giving him a look of frustration. Dan responded instantly, filling a glass with cold water and throwing it at Phil's foot. This did absolutely nothing except make Phil laugh. 

"Get a mop, you moron." Phil laughed, as Dan grabbed some kitchen roll and scrambled to clear up the mess. When he was done, he got to his feet, and found himself face to face with Phil. 

"Hello." He said, bashful all of a sudden. Phil placed his hand flat against Dan's chest and leaned in to kiss him. 

When his words came back to him, Dan smiled, at the blue-eyed man, and spoke softly. 

"Hi." He giggled. "Did you make breakfast?" 

Phil gestured at the bin, and Dan noticed the slices of blackened toast. 

"Give it a minute, Bub." He nodded at the toaster. 

"I can think of a couple things we can do while we wait."

No sooner had he leaned in did the toaster ping, causing Dan to whine disappointingly. Phil turned around and fished out the toast, placing it on a plate, buttering it quickly, and spinning around to hand it to Dan. 

"Thanks." 

They ate breakfast sleepily, in the living room, teasing each other and catching up on the past week or so. An anime played on the TV in front of them. It was weirdly normal. 

"So..." Dan said when they had finished.  

"So..." Phil echoed. He moved his plate from his lap and Phil's feet instantly took its place.

"What now?"

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean, do we tell people? Do we hide it? What will our parents think?" 

"According to Martyn, my parents have a bet riding on it." Phil said, breaking up Dan's spiral. 

Dan gave him a quizzical look. 

"Mum and Martyn always assumed we were a thing, from like, the beginning. Dad thought we were just friends." 

"Who was right?" Dan asked. "I mean, we haven't been together this whole time."

"We kind of have. I mean, we liked each other like that, we trusted each other and spent all our time together. Just cause we didn't call it a relationship till now doesn't mean it wasn't important. " 

Dan was silent for a minute. 

"We haven't fucked till now. I reckon you should ask Kath about the exact phrasing of the bet. Like, was it about whether we would end up together, or whether we were already romantically involved. " Dan contributed. 

"Ever the height of class there, Dan. "

Dan batted Phil's face with a foot, to which Phil responded by kissing it, then making a disgusted face. 

"That was not a good idea." He laughed. "Feet don't taste good." 

"You should put that on a t-shirt." 

"That did sound a bit too cannibally didn't it?" 

"Cannibally?" 

"Canniballish?"

After debating the correct word for a little over ten minutes, they sent out a tweet from Dan's phone asking for someone to settle their argument. 

They instantly got replies telling them it's "Cannibalistic" which Phil thought sounded like a geordie talking about a funny crazy person. 

"Canny ballistic."  He said over and over until Dan laughed. 

"Anywaaaaay." Dan rolled his eyes. "You didn't answer my question." 

"Did it really need an answer?"

"Yes." Dan insisted.

Phil tilted his head to the side.  

"I love you. I'm good with whatever you're comfortable with. I mean, PJ, Toby, and half our audience knew before we did. The other half won't be surprised."

"What about my family?" Dan asked. 

"What about them? They're nice." 

"Yeah, but they don't know i'm bi." Dan spoke quietly. Phil just smiled at him. 

"Okay, so that comes first, we can wait however long you want. We can take things slow, Dan, I mean, we've got each other. Any other steps are cool, but they don't really matter to me. As long as I've got you, as long as we can be together, even if it is only in this house, I don't care about the rest of it."

Dan wanted to think of a heartfelt, equally adorable reply, but what came out was "AWWWW wholesome!"

Now it was Phil's turn to roll his eyes. 

Dan's phone buzzed with a text from PJ. 

"Sooooo, what happened yesterday?"

"You were right!"

Dan shuffled around and put his head on Phil's shoulder, taking a photo of them both and sending it to PJ. 

"Told ya!" PJ replied. 

"I'll be around tomorrow to pick up my stuff. Thank you sooo much!"

Phil, who had been watching Dan curiously since he had taken a photo, perked up when he caught sight of who Dan was texting. He took his boyfriend's phone, and hit call. 

"HEEEEEEEEEEYYYY PJ" Phil bellowed down the phone, causing Dan to flinch away from the noise. "I heard you were the one who talked Dan into coming to see me. Did you also talk him into snogging me before saying a single word?"

Dan squeaked and tried to wrestle the phone off of Phil, who put it on speakerphone held it out of his reach. 

"No I think Dan came up with that plan all on his own." PJ laughed.

"IT FUCKING WORKED!" Dan yelled, but his fake sternness almost immediately fizzled into giggles.  

Phil paused for a second to consider. "Ok, I can't deny that. Anyway, Thank you PJ! We'll see you and Soph tomorrow." 

"Goodbye you adorable idiots." PJ said before hanging up. 

The second he was gone, Dan moved to kiss Phil, running his hands through his hair. 

"He's right." Dan agrees between kisses. "We are adorable." 

 


End file.
